You're Worthy of Rest—So Why Don't You Feel Like You Deserve It?
Months ago, in a blog post, I wrote that there was a time I didn’t believe I was worthy OR deserving of more. I used those words together because I hadn’t realized yet that there was a difference. But as I continued my journey through the Becoming Framework, I discovered something that changed everything.
The Discovery Moment
There I was at my desk working through some money mindset journal prompts. I was going through the motions, some things were coming up, but nothing really unexpected, until I got to this question.
It stated, “Sometimes money blocks come in the form of self doubt and self worth. Do you feel worthy and deserving of money?
And immediately I thought, hell yes, I’m worthy of money.
Hell yes, I feel that I’m talented enough to make lots of money.
Am I deserving of wealth though?
This gave me pause because I actually DID feel very worthy – I knew deep down I was inherently valuable. What I didn’t believe was that I DESERVED it. That I’d done enough, sacrificed enough, proven enough to be ALLOWED to receive my desires.
And that distinction? That’s where so many of us are trapped.
The Distinction
There’s a distinction between being worthy of something and feeling like we deserve it. This is something that most of us don’t realize, and then we wonder why we get stuck in these loops of self doubt and struggling with our worth. Because while we may feel that we are worthy of creating wealth, of being loved, of that new black on black Cadillac Escalade we’ve had our eye on, we may not actually feel that we have done enough to deserve it.
Now, the reverse CAN exist too—feeling you’ve ‘earned’ something but still not feeling worthy of it (hello, imposter syndrome). But for most women in midlife navigating major transitions, the trap is the OTHER way around: knowing our inherent worth while being imprisoned by the belief that we haven’t done enough to deserve our desires. And that’s the cage we’re cracking wide open.
The Framework Application
This is where the Rewriting Phase of the Becoming Framework shines. It where we create a new story that aligns us with our true identity: inherently worthy AND deserving, without needing to earn either one.
This is a period filled with self-permission that allows us to shift our character’s belief that we have to do ‘enough’ in order to earn things, like rest, and see them for what they truly are—our birthright.
The Equation Shift
The work of the Rewriting Phase basically gets you to rewrite the equation from
Only if I do this action → THEN I deserve this thing I want → THEN I’m allowed to receive it and instead flips it to where you automatically know you are worthy so that you can receive and then you do the action from the overflow of what you received.
Let’s look at this from a real life example on the subject of rest. If you have the conditioned mindset of ‘Only IF I exhaust myself, if I sacrifice, if I overgive, if I overfunction, if I people-please and say yes when my body is screaming no more, do I become deserving of rest and I am allowed to take a break.’
Rewriting the narrative that I didn’t have to completely wear myself out to rest was honestly one of my biggest struggles as I allowed myself to live and experience the Becoming Framewok. Realizing I didn’t have to prioritize everyone else’s needs and manage their happiness meter in order to feel like I could sit down for 10 minutes to exhale felt terrifying at times because it was so different from how I used to be. Everyone was so accustomed to seeing and relying on me constantly doing. I wondered—would I now be viewed as lazy, uncaring, selfish, or even worse, undeserving?
The Mom Guilt Multiplier
And here is where this trap can get really vicious for mothers and caregivers:
You’re exhausted. Tapped all the way out. A friend offers to watch the kids so you can get a massage.
Immediately, your mind starts calculating:
- That’s $80 that could go toward the kids’ activities
- Two hours away when you already feel like you don’t spend enough time with them
- What will pile up while you’re gone?
You KNOW you’re a good mom. You KNOW you’re inherently valuable (worthy).
But you can’t shake the feeling that you haven’t DONE enough yet to DESERVE two hours of care for yourself.
Maybe once you don’t snap at your toddler for saying ‘mom’ for the thousandth time that day.
Maybe when you’ve made more Pinterest-worthy, homemade meals.
Maybe once you’ve spent more quality time with your family who, if we are being honest, are one of the reasons why you need those two hours to yourself.
Maybe once you’ve earned more money or your own money that doesn’t make you feel like you’re asking for a handout from your spouse.
THEN you’ll have earned the right to rest.
Except that day never comes. The conditions become moving targets that you can never quite hit. And you keep giving from an empty cup, trying to prove through depletion that you’ve finally done enough to deserve nourishment.
Even when you don’t ‘snap’ at your kids or make a ‘mistake’, the mere act of prioritizing yourself feels like you’re depriving them. Every dollar or hour spent on you feels stolen from them. You reduce your ‘me-time’ to taking 2 hours to grocery shop alone. You can walk around with the latte that you only got because you had enough stars to get it for free and you pretend that your ‘good wife/mom’ mask isn’t suffocating you. Ask me how I know.
That’s the worthy-but-not-deserving trap. And it will keep you in self-abandonment for decades if you let it.
Asking the Right Question
So here’s what I had to allow myself to not only perceive, but believe in order to rewrite the narrative of who I was becoming:
Wellbeing isn’t a reward for perfect performance. It’s not something I earn by exhausting myself first.
Rest is my birthright. Wealth is my birthright. Love is my birthright. Joy is my birthright.
Not because I’ve done enough to deserve them.
But because I AM. And so are you.
The question isn’t ‘Have I done enough to deserve rest, wealth, and love?’
The question is: ‘Am I willing to receive what’s already mine?’
Your Becoming begins when you stop trying to earn your birthright and start living like you already have it.
This is the work we do in my Becoming Framework coaching program. Learning to receive our birthright instead of earning our worth. If this resonated, join the waitlist for when I open the doors in late January.
