Why I Refuse to Stop Believing In Love
Recently, I was having a conversation with someone about my almost 20 year marriage coming to the end of its season. They looked at me with that all too familiar sympathy in their eyes and said “Wow, I would be so jaded on the idea of love after that”.
This statement made me think about for a bit. Then a little bit more. And as I was going to just shrug my shoulders and brush it off, I was hit with a sudden urge to have a rampage of appreciation for the relationship that I desire.
For me, I still believe strongly in love and romance. I desire cuddles on the couch, holding hands in the car, kisses behind the ear and stolen glances that raise the pulse. Not to mention those pinned against the wall kisses that feel like a shock to the senses. I still believe in giving tokens of appreciation, skin contact that feels so exquisite that it doesn’t need to lead anywhere, date nights and whispered sweet nothings while falling asleep. Last, but definitely not least, I still desire to melt when they give me “that” look and with the right amount of bass in their voice, say “Come here”.
Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
“For me, I still believe strongly in love and romance.”.
Nothing is going to keep me from believing in that. Any relationship I have had has taught me something. Things about love, about myself, about how I want my relationship to look and feel, my love languages, how I love to be loved and how to communicate my needs and want. My relationships have shown me where I still need growth and healing, my vulnerabilities, my strengths and how I can be a completely separate entity from someone that I am in a relationship with yet we can co-create a life together. Quite frankly, they have made me the woman that I am and for that, I can only show appreciation.
In my rampage of appreciation for the relationship that I desire, the word that I couldn’t stop repeating was EASY. What I desire most is the feeling of ease between my co-creator and I. That’s not to say that it will be easy. We are human. We will have thoughts and feelings that don’t align with Source and our inner being which will cause rifts. It’s all part of the journey and I welcome the contrast that will give birth to new desires in us to grow in our relationship. But in the day in and day out flow of being together, there should be a general feeling of ease.
Photo by Lon Christensen on Unsplash
To me, a relationship of ease means it’s easy to feel good around them, to go through my day with them.
It’s easy for me to give myself to them and for them to receive the love I give.
It’s easy to accept them as they are, with unconditional love and appreciation for this moment, and this moment and this one as they come.
It’s easy to laugh.
It’s easy to cry and feel comforted.
It’s easy to forgive and it’s easy to say I’m sorry.
It’s easy to feel completely secure in their presence.
It’s easy to express my needs and wants without fear of judgement, impatience, dismissal or belittlement.
“It’s easy to feel completely secure in their presence. ”
It’s easy to be my authentic self.
It’s easy to be committed to seeing the best in them.
It’s easy to be consistent in my feelings for them.
It’s easy to be open and honest with each other no matter what.
It’s easy to feel comfortable, certain and sure.
It’s easy to feel like my mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual well-being is taken seriously because they encompass all of me.
It’s easy to feel secure and safe sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings.
It’s easy to be soft, gentle, and submissive, to revel in my femininity.
It’s easy to feel confident in the intention.
It’s easy for passion to flow.
It’s easy to engage with each other.
It’s easy to imagine us in 10 years, 20 years and beyond.
It’s easy to be at complete peace.
It’s easy to say I love you.
It’s easy to hear I love you without doubt.
It’s easy to see I love you in their actions.
It’s easy to feel love whether I’m in their presence or not.
Photo by Gunnar Ridderström on Unsplash
When we are together it won’t always be sparks flying or kisses that take your breath away but there will be many moments of exhilaration, titillation, excitement, warmth, enticement, pulse-pounding pleasure, electrifying touches, fun and joy.
Our energies and vibrations will match because I have become so much more in tune with who I really am. I am longer afraid to express what I want in my partner, my co-creator. I’m loud with it. I don’t shy away from making my needs known. I have learned that if I ask, I shall receive.
And if I don’t, I fine tune my point of attraction so that it better aligns with what I want in my partner. Then it’s up to them whether they want to come along with me to create a deliciously, fulfilling and pleasurable experience together. Because I’m going to get the relationship I want and that I am worthy of, either with them or someone else.
Knowing that is enough for me because honestly, the fun is in the becoming co-creators on this journey. And I’m ready to be ready for every second of it.
I hold steadfast to the belief that the love I desire is coming. I stand in appreciation for where I’ve been, the contrast that has brought clarity and the place and space that I am in. All the while, staying consciously aware of contradictory thoughts that block all that I am asking for.
