Stop Haggling Over Your Worth — It’s Not Up for Negotiation
There’s a kind of ache that settles into your bones when you realize you’ve been auditioning for a role in someone’s life you should’ve already had. Or even worse, when your character keeps getting typecast as the villain.
When every conversation feels like a silent negotiation…
Every argument an unspoken barter for just a little more love, a bit more consistency, or crumbs of respect.
I’ve been there. And if you're honest with yourself, maybe you have too.
I was in a relationship once where I became a walking commercial—
listing my good qualities, proving my value, pointing out the upgrades I came with like I was a limited-time offer.
“All this love, this loyalty, this soul—yours, if you just act right.”
And when that wasn’t enough?
I’d throw in extra incentives.
Overgiving. Overcompensating. Lowering my standards. Shrinking my voice. Discounting my truth just to keep the connection alive.
And the worst part?
He never asked me to do any of that outright.
He just sat back, stonewalling, emotionally unavailable and avoidant, while I did mental gymnastics trying to convince him that I was worth the effort.
And I was—I just didn’t believe it enough yet to stop the performance.
“All this love, this loyalty, this soul—yours, if you just act right.”
The truth is, he knew my worth.
He saw it clearer than I did—and he was hoping I’d never catch on.
He was betting on my willingness to settle.
To give big love at clearance prices.
Because deep down, he didn’t believe he was worthy of the kind of love I offered—which he later admitted to and apologized for. And when someone doesn’t believe they’re worthy, they’ll do whatever it takes to prove they’re not and you aren’t either.
That’s how projection works.
They don’t feel whole, so they chip away at your wholeness.
They don’t feel capable, so they question your standards.
They don’t feel lovable, so they reject you first before you can confirm their fears.
Queen, hear me loud and clear:
Lowering your standards won’t make someone rise higher.
Abandoning your boundaries won’t build connection.
Discounting yourself doesn’t increase your value in anyone’s eyes—it only teaches them that you’re willing to settle for less.
I know it’s hard.
You love them.
You want to believe that if you just love them enough, they’ll wake up and show up.
There will never be be a day that I will not admit that I loved that man with my whole chest, with a willingness to help him feel whole at almost any cost. And it did cost me dearly.
But love that costs your self-respect is too expensive.
Love that demands you shrink, bend, and dim is not love—it’s bondage.
And in 2025—the year of closure, completion, and coming home to yourself—you don’t owe anyone discounted access to your soul. This is going to require accessing your relationships and what emotions they bring up in you on a regular basis— which I highly encourage for anyone.
Here are five gentle but powerful ways to audit your relationships and reclaim your worth:
Check the Energy Exchange.
Ask yourself: Do I feel seen, heard, and nourished in this connection—or am I always the one pouring? Relationships should feel like mutual flow, not emotional labor.Track How You Feel After Interactions.
Your body is wiser than you give it credit for. After spending time with someone, do you feel lighter, brighter, and more alive—or drained, anxious, and small? That feeling is data. Use it.Identify Where You’re Over-Explaining or Proving.
If you constantly feel the need to justify your needs, boundaries, or presence, you’re likely in a dynamic where your worth is being quietly questioned. Start affirming yourself instead. A NO is a NO and what is understod doesn’t need to be explained. Periodt!Revisit Your Non-Negotiables.
Write down your core needs and desires in a relationship. Not preferences—needs. Anything that requires you to abandon these to maintain peace is a sign to reevaluate.Practice Detaching with Compassion.
Letting go doesn’t have to be angry or final. Sometimes love means creating distance and allowing others the dignity of doing their own work—without dragging you down in the process.
You are not a bargain. You are a blessing.
And anyone who truly sees you will never ask you to cut your price just so they can afford to stay.
So stop chasing people who are allergic to your light.
Stop dimming down to be more “digestible.”
You are not meant to be consumed—you are meant to be celebrated.
This is your time to choose you.
Choose your peace.
Choose your wholeness.
Choose the kind of love that honors your soul—not negotiates with it.
Because your worth?
It’s. Non. Negotiable.
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