You're Not the Same Woman That Left: Why They Can Only Come Forward (Not Back)
Let me tell you something that might sting at first because believe me, it hurt me like hell, but will ultimately SET YOU FREE:
You’re not the same woman they left. You’re not the same woman who walked away.
Which means they can’t come BACK. What are they coming back to? You’ve moved house with no forwarding address left.
what are they coming back to?
For far longer than I want to admit, I waited, hoping they would come back. Part of me felt that their return would further fuel my healing. That it would make me somehow whole again. But as I dived deeper into my healing, I came to a point where I realized that I honestly didn’t want them back because that would mean I would have to go back. To the version of me that allowed emotional avoidance, gaslighting, breadcrumbs, and my abandonment wound to invest more energy into maintaining a crumbling connection.
It hit me: they could only come forward because there was no way in hell I was going back. They will need to come to the NEW you. On a NEW PATH. Across a NEW BRIDGE.
And here’s the part that changes EVERYTHING:
YOU don’t build that bridge.
THEY do.
allowing the old bridge to crumble
For so long, you were the bridge. You built it. You maintained it. You repaired the holes. You lit the way across. You kept it accessible. You made it SAFE for them to reach you. And they crossed whenever it was CONVENIENT. Then disappeared when it wasn’t. When it was time for them to repair the damage they caused in order for them to reach you.
But that bridge? The one you built? The one that led to the OLD you?
The tide is washing it away. Not because you’re cruel or closing doors.
But because:
The tide is coming in. A new timeline is arriving. The old path is dissolving.
If they want you—the NEW you, the HEALED you, the RISEN you that had to climb out of the debris of their lack of accountability and willingness—they’ll have to build a NEW BRIDGE. With new energy. With healed intention. With a changed mindset and behavior. With PROOF, not promises.
Or they don’t cross at all.
You’re no longer the connector. You’re no longer the fixer. You’re no longer the one holding it together while they coast.
You’re the DESTINATION now. And if someone wants to reach you? They build the bridge—not you. Never you again. This is not about being resentful, seeking revenge, or closing yourself off. This is you finally reclaiming your wellbeing, protecting and preserving your energy for connections that actually have the capacity and willingness to build with you. Both are required because lack of one will negate the other. Give yourself permission to have the ‘audacity’ to make both capacity (being able) and willingness (commitment to actually want to do the work) non-negotiable requirements for access to you.
Requirements aren't demanding. They're clarity
Yes, society will call this audacious. And I’m RECLAIMING that word because it’s not audacious to have standards. It’s BASIC SELF-RESPECT. It’s being crystal clear on the type of connections you want and how to get them. It’s living in that deeply-rooted, unshakable belief that you are worthy of effort.
We accept requirements for everything else in life. Want a job? You need qualifications. Want a home? You need a down payment and credit score. Want a degree? You need to complete coursework and pass exams. No one calls those requirements ‘demanding’ or ‘audacious.’ They’re just requirements. Standards. Criteria for access.
So why, when it comes to relationships—to access to YOUR heart, YOUR energy, YOUR life, YOUR body that is a temple—are you suddenly ‘too demanding’ for having requirements? Why is it audacious to say ‘I need both capacity and willingness’?
It’s not.
Requirements aren’t about being difficult. They’re about being clear. And if someone can meet requirements to get a job, buy a house, or earn a degree—but can’t (or won’t) meet requirements to access someone they claim to love?
That tells you everything you need to know.
This is what I teach in the PIVOT phase of the Becoming Framework—the phase where you’re willing to disappoint others to honor yourself. Where you release the old paths. Where you stop being the bridge. Where you stand on the OTHER SIDE and say:
‘I’m here. I’m whole. I’m worth the effort. Build a new bridge or don’t cross at all.’
Woman on the Rise, remember: You’re not the same woman they left. They have to meet you where you are NOW—or not at all.
Are you ready to let the old bridge wash away?
This is the work we do in my Becoming Framework coaching program. Learning to receive our birthright instead of earning our worth. If this resonated, join the waitlist for when I open the doors in late January.
