Discover How You Can Take Charge of Your Life
2 MF’ing WEEKS TILL MY BIRTHDAY!! (Okay, 13 days now as of this posting if you really want to get technical)
Photo by Patti Black on Unsplash
Can you tell I’m excited?!? Yeah, it even compelled me to post a video on Facebook about this post.
It has been quite a while since I’ve looked forward to an upcoming birthday. Honestly, losing who you are in caring for others and the daily grind of life will do that. I looked at my birthday as just another day. Another day to feel over and underwhelmed. Another day push what I really wanted out of my mind so I didn’t disappoint others. Another day older.
Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash
It’s seriously depressing to think about now but at the time I chalked it up to doing what a wife and mother should do. I pinned my happiness on the shoulders of others hoping that would be enough to fulfill me. And that’s a perfect recipe for disappointment. I was operating strictly on auto pilot most days and pouring from a dry, cracking and empty cup that hadn’t been poured into for a while. Sound familiar to any of you?
”
I was operating strictly on auto pilot
most days and pouring from a dry, cracking
and empty cup that hadn’t been
poured into for a while.
”
So what changed this year that has me looking forward to celebrating my 44th birthday, you ask? Did my children suddenly become perfect angels? Seriously, that makes me laugh just to think about. Did my husband morph into this ultimate mix of Captain America’s dependability, sensitivity and protectiveness; Iron Man’s commitment and creativity; and Thor’s, ummm let’s just say he would never get kicked out of bed fineness? Not even close. In fact, nothing in my environment changed. And yes, I’m a MCU fangirl.
Internal Revolution
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The change was all internal and started with a complete overhaul of my mindset. It was an internal revolution of sorts. I got to a point where I was completely oppressed by the “ruling government” and nothing short of overthrowing the whole regime would do. I consciously and actively decided enough is enough. No one else is going to make me a priority. That was something I had to do for myself. No one else was going to love me with the intensity that I needed. That was something I had to do for myself. No one was going to pour into my empty cup even after completely filling theirs. That was something I had to do for myself. No one else could make me happy if I wasn’t happy. That was something I had to do for myself.
”
No one was going to pour into my empty cup even after completely filling theirs.
That was something I had to do for myself.
”
That moment was the MOMENT. The defining moment that I took full unconditional responsibility for my life. I started clearing out the old that no longer served me, no matter who or what they were. I was on a mission to dig deep and discover what buried past events, trauma and pain set me on this path. I determined that this was the moment I was going to take the time to heal, grow, break generational curses and be intentional with my goals and plans to ensure that I was living my best possible life.
Besides realizing the hard truth that I was holding myself back, breaking out of my comfort zone has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. But it has also been extremely liberating, opening up opportunities I could have never imagined just a year ago. I have written about this before but it bears repeating. We become so uncomfortably comfortable in our sameness that we become fearful of change, even when it is beneficial for us. It forces us to expand our creativity, be more adaptable to change and boosts confidence.
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Manifesting It
Now I am on my way to manifesting everything that I have envisioned for my life. I stopped being a bystander in my own life and instead, started creating it. I committed to improving my life every single day. The steps seem small and insignificant most days, but day in and day out I move closer to being the woman that I want to be. This meant adopting an abundance mindset where I never lack because I have the ability to create more for myself.
As I change, evolve and accept things as they are in the present moment so do my intentions, plans, goals and visions. And you know what? That’s okay. As humans we are meant to change. Staying stuck and static in old patterns that no longer benefit us is guaranteed to dim the light we’re meant to shine on this world. Trust me, this change didn’t happen overnight and each day I continue to blossom and grow, letting myself unfold at the right moments.
”
The steps seem small and insignificant most days,
but day in and day out I move closer to being the woman that I want to be.
”
Allowing What is to Be
I open myself up to and accept whatever the universe sends my way. I allow its energy to flow through me as I learn to not expend this precious resource on people or things that move me further away from where I want to be. I am letting go of the past and no longer waiting for the future to be happy. It’s funny that when I tell people I’m letting go of things that no longer serve me, they automatically think I will miss these things or that I will lack. While I may miss some things or people that I remove from my life, lack is a word that I am eradicating from my vocabulary. When I release something, it opens up a space for new things, people and ideas to manifest in my life. So I don’t see it as lack. I see it as transitioning to new opportunities that would not exist if I was clinging on to old things.
Living and fully immersing myself in the present has allow me to tap into the vibrational frequency of my goals. These goals now align with my divine purpose, not the roles that I have previously allowed others to place me in and not who society wants me to be. I’m learning to pay close attention to my intentions so I can reset, realign, refocus reaffirm and repeat my actions when I meet obstacles.
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When I release something, it opens up a space for new things, people and ideas to manifest in my life. So I don’t see it as lack. I see it as transitioning to new opportunities that would not exist if I was clinging on to old things.
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Surrounded By Quality Not Quantity
I have begun meeting some amazing people and even reconnected with a friend that I didn’t realize I needed in my life. It’s amazing how people someone you just met can breeze into your life and just be who you need them to be. Almost as if that relationship has always been there. Or despite time, distance and circumstances, you and an old friend you haven’t spoken to in years just naturally pick up where you left off. This phenomenon seriously boggles my mind. So much so, that I have to take a moment to show gratitude for being reconnected to an old friend who ended up becoming my best friend. To you my friend, you have helped breathe new life into my dying soul and I could never thank you enough. Your presence is felt even miles apart.
Photo by Shane Rounce on Unsplash
On that note, I cannot overemphasize the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. Even if they are only in your life for a season, the profound impact they can have on pushing you forward in your journey cannot be measured. Surround yourself with a network of people that are going to help elevate you. They need to be people who compliment your unique skill set, who challenge you and hold you accountable. It may not seem like it but I am an introvert so it was a serious struggle to open myself up to the public at large and share my life. But doing so has helped me start pulling people into my inner circle who are amazing at bring out the best in me. Only when I opened myself up to inviting and accepting the things the universe was trying to give me did I start to see it manifest.
Discovering Passions Lead to Finding Purpose
I have come to realize my passion for writing. I never wanted to write before because I always told myself I was a horrible writer. Yeah, I know. Great mindset, right? And while I’m still no Audre Lorde or Maya Angelou, I write anyway to share my story, thoughts, struggles, pain, joy and triumphs with the world. I have discovered that my story is unique yet the story of so many women out there. I want to be their voice and to help guide them through the murky rip currents that threaten to pull them under.
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I want to see Queens regaining confidence in their royalty,
tapping into their divine feminine energy with bold confidence.
”
I am honored to be a life coach for women who have lost themselves while caring for their families or at other times in their lives when all they could do was operate in survival mode. It brings great joy to see women creating the life that they want, where they prioritize and love themselves fiercely thus opening up their hearts to give and receive love. The rise from the ashes is pure magic to witness. I want to see Queens regaining confidence in their royalty, tapping into their divine feminine energy with bold confidence.
Be Bold Enough to Ask for Help
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If any of my story has resonated with you, I want you to know that you are not alone and I am here to help. I’ve been there, overstaying my welcome in survival mode. While it may get you through the toughest of times, it is not meant for you to stay there for an extended period of time. It will drain every ounce of life out of you. It becomes a vicious cycle of feeling like you are running around doing everything in urgent mode at once but at the same time feel like you’re not actually accomplishing anything. Yeah, I know that feeling real well.
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It took me a long time to ask for help and until I did,
I harbored feelings of resentment. Not a good feeling at all.
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First of all, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with seeking help. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and say “I cannot do this alone”. It took me a long time to ask for help and until I did, I harbored feelings of resentment. Not a good feeling at all. Whether you ask your spouse, kids, friends or relatives for help or hire the services of a cleaning service, babysitter or life coach, know that asking for help is perfectly normal. As I recently read somewhere, there is no reward for overstressed, overtired, overworked and overwhelmed Woman of the Year, so why do that to yourself? Ask for what you need and allow people to help you.
Prioritizing Self and Letting Go
Second, TAKE CARE OF YOU! I cannot stress this enough. You simply cannot push your needs, time alone and things that make you happy into a corner day in and day out and think that you’re going to be happy for the sake of others. Been there, done that and burned that freaking t-shirt. You don’t have to make yourself miserable to take care of others. In fact, not prioritizing your needs makes it that much harder to care for others. You cannot continually run on empty. If you do not heed my story or do anything else, PLEASE prioritize your self-care.
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You don’t have to make yourself miserable to take care of others.
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Third, prioritize what is important and let go of the rest. Seriously, if it’s not vital to your survival or that of your household, let it go (even if it’s just temporarily). There were so many trivial things I had to release before the overwhelm completely consumed me. I had to take a step back and realize that I was putting unnecessary stress on myself by trying to do everything myself with perfection and a smile on my face. You will find peace and relief in letting go and saying NO to people and things that threaten to overwhelm you.
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Queen, you have too much to offer this world to let it stay buried under past hurts, self-limiting beliefs, lack of focus and dedication, holding on to things that no longer serve you and prioritizing the needs of others over your own. Let go of the past, don’t let it continue to hurt you. Let go of the rope you’re using to hold yourself back. Get out of your own way and stop crashing into those obstacles you keep setting up for yourself.
You have a grand purpose in this life that you are meant to fulfill. Remember that always. Open yourself up to the universe and allow it to guide you on your path as you live in the present with focused intent. You have the power to choose to actively create the live you want to manifest. Yes it will require dedication, hard work and change, but don’t let that scare or deter you. You were meant for so much more, you are worthy of so much more and I cannot wait to see you manifest it.
Be Unapologetically You,
